Suggestion or the first bit? Before Tao and Takeo have their names said by Frankenstein, and since this is from M-21's POV, don't use their names? It reads like M-21's already remembered them there, for me.
Also, M-21 doesn't come across as particularly paranoid. Unsure definitely, paranoid no. ^^;;;; It could just be that I'd expect someone (like Cloud or Sephiroth, but then they've had really bad experiences with lab coats) to be extra paranoid in that situation, possibly to the extent of ignoring what their heart/emotions are trying to say, since he'd be aware that drugs can affect emotions, and who knows what kind of stuff they were doing to him before he woke up. I half-expected him to pull a runner, to test the apparent freedom he has by leaving and seeing what they do. Then again, I'm still not terribly familiar with this fandom, so, er, take my opinion with a grain of salt? ^^;;;;;;;
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Suggestion or the first bit? Before Tao and Takeo have their names said by Frankenstein, and since this is from M-21's POV, don't use their names? It reads like M-21's already remembered them there, for me.
Also, M-21 doesn't come across as particularly paranoid. Unsure definitely, paranoid no. ^^;;;; It could just be that I'd expect someone (like Cloud or Sephiroth, but then they've had really bad experiences with lab coats) to be extra paranoid in that situation, possibly to the extent of ignoring what their heart/emotions are trying to say, since he'd be aware that drugs can affect emotions, and who knows what kind of stuff they were doing to him before he woke up. I half-expected him to pull a runner, to test the apparent freedom he has by leaving and seeing what they do. Then again, I'm still not terribly familiar with this fandom, so, er, take my opinion with a grain of salt? ^^;;;;;;;
Liked the fic :D