Chosen [Part 7]
Nov. 7th, 2011 10:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
esp_dragonFandom: Original
Summary: Ras has just been chosen by the Gods to protect humans from geists, beings that prey on people's souls. Sent by Them to aid her is Aldran, a psyven; through the bond forged on their first meeting, Aldran can pass his magic to Ras for her to use against the geists. Only those bonded with psyvens can fight the geists, as a psyven's magic is the one magic that is truly effective against them.
But stories are told to children to placate fears and soothe nightmares. Ras has to learn that Aldran and living as a khertan are not what she expected and that the danger is very real.
While she adjusts to her new life, she and Aldran begin to discover all is not as it seems; however, realising and accepting the truth is not easy and ultimately, in the end, is it worth it?
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Contains thinking about death.
My commentary is here.
Genre: Fantasy/Friendship
Word count: 3,574
Total word count: 18,781
Status: Work in progress
Ras watched it for a second, letting his tail's movement hypnotise her, and she let her mind drift, away from her aching body, away from her worries. What was it like having a tail? It seemed useful in some ways, helping with balance, and Ras wondered what it felt like to have one. Now was not the best time to ask, and at that particular moment, Ras felt if she did any hard thinking about any subject, it would be forgotten come morning. Wiping the sweat slicked hair away from her eyes, Ras sighed, and then shot Aldran a tired smile.
"I kept my promise," she murmured.
The tail stopped moving for a second in the corner of her eye before it started to bat again like it hadn't stopped.
Aldran ducked his head, but Ras could still see the small smile on his face anyway.
"And you kept yours," she continued, wanting to lean over and nudge him, but if she did that, she would probably lose her balance.
The smile faded. "I don't think I did..." Aldran said quietly, his tail tapping the ground.
Ras raised her eyebrows. "I'm still alive-"
"You're hurt-"
"-And your promise was to help me keep my promise of doing that," she pressed on, not letting Aldran interrupt her or make herself doubt. "And you did - you opened up the link and you offered your magic to me."
"But I also ended up severing the link!" he protested in agitation, his tail whipping in long sweeping arcs behind him, and that was the most amount of movement Ras had seen them do since she'd known him. "I lost my concentration-"
"Because I had been hit," she cut in quickly. "And you opened the link again soon after."
"How do I stop getting distracted when you're being hurt in front of me?" Aldran asked sadly, his head dipping even further, tightening his arms around his knees.
"By getting-" Ras stopped herself from letting the rest of those words tumble from her mouth. Yes, she was aching, and her thinking was fuzzy, but that did not mean she should be flippant about what had happened, and saying 'By getting used to it' was definitely flippant and really... Ras couldn't think of what word was needed there.
"Never mind," she said, shaking her head slowly, the world brightening for a few seconds when she did that. "You helped at the times when I needed you."
"But..." Aldran's tail had stilled, back to its tiny movements again. "You were hurt because I lost concentration."
"And we killed the geist together because you got it back." Ras could feel herself swaying, so she brought her knees up to lean her head on them. When Aldran didn't try to argue again, she peeked at him from the corner of her eyes.
He was staring at the ground, frowning, the tip of his tail flicking.
She looked up again -slowly, in case the world started to move- when she heard approaching footsteps. It was Ceilha who was at the doorway, and her eyes flicked towards the open front door for a second before she came over to them.
"How are you both?" Ceilha asked them, settling down next to Aldran.
"Alive?" Ras threw out, her mind still not quite able to stop her mouth before it said the first thing that came to her mind. She ached, but that was telling her she was still there, that she was still alive and whole, and that was what mattered. Aldran nodded along to her answered.
That caused a smile to grow on Ceilha's face. "Good to hear. Now," she said, looking at both of them, "How do you feel about having a rest?"
Ras laughed, even if that did make her head hurt. That sounded like a really good idea.
* * *
The inn wasn't that far off from where they had found the geists, which Ras' stomach had flopped when that realisation had hit. Though she couldn't really think that well at that particular moment, both her mind and body demanding rest, and the only reason why she had been able to walk was because Aldran had supported her the entire time. Sometimes his tail would brush her leg but it was only for a second, when Aldran realised what it had done, before flicking it away again.
Ceilha and Dracer had walked at a sedate pace, making sure they could follow comfortably, and Ras envied them for how at ease they appeared to be, not one misstep, or even looking like they had fought a geist recently. Ras on the other hand, felt every little scrape on her body, her skin feeling sensitised where the geist had held her, her head and neck throbbing out of sync, making evey second painful and every footstep she took jarred them, making her wince.
She wondered how the bruises would look in the morning, and then decided she didn't care - the way she was feeling at that particular moment, she was probably going to sleep for the entire day. She felt like she had ran up a steep hill, climbed down a rocky cliff face and then swam through a river. She didn't want to move, but she kept putting one foot in front of the other concentrating on moving her leg for the next step, and then the next one, and then the one after that. It was slow going, but she was coping.
Ceilha and Dracer dropped back to speak to them. "The inn here is very small," Ceilha said cautiously, like she was testing the waters.
Ras nodded to show she understood, saving her breath and concentration for walking. With what she'd seen of the village, she was actually surprised they had one.
"They only have two rooms," Ceilha continued.
Hm, that wasn't very... There were four people. Ras groaned. "How many beds?"
"Three," Ceilha said dryly. "Dracer and I will take the double, unless you want other arrangements?"
Ras shook her head. When she had woken this morning (had it really been this morning? It was barely lunch time - which reminded her - she was hungry now too.) Aldran had already been there. It had been a shock to wake up in a room that was not her own, seeing him sitting quietly on the chair, but if she hadn't seen him as soon as she had woken up, she would have dismissed everything that had happened the day before as some brain-addled dream. Though, waking up in a room in Winolock would have been obvious at some point or another, even if she hadn't asked Aldran.
The innkeeper, a wizened man, with a perchant of stumbling over his words (Ras had a disheartened feeling that was going to be yet another thing she had to become used to) had been waiting for them when they came through the door, and lead them to their rooms. There thankfully weren't any stairs to climb, and as soon as the door was shut behind them, Ras stumbled over to the closest bed, toed her boots off and fell asleep as soon as she closed her eyes.
* * *
Ras was somehow under the bed covers when she awoke. She was fairly sure she had been on top of it before she fell asleep. Her head was no longer throbbing, but she could definitely feel the bruises and swelling around her neck, the pillow pressing on them. It felt too warm, but there wasn't anything she could do about that at the moment. There was a plate of food on the table beside her, but though she was ravenous, she didn't have the strength to sit up and eat it, so she drifted off again.
* * *
The lighting of the room was different the next time Ras woke up, the crackling of the fire evident. She felt slightly better, though her muscles felt limp and useless.
She slowly pulled herself into a sitting position with a grunt and leaned back on the wall. Even that used up the little reserves she can gained through sleeping, and she stayed there for a second, just regaining her breath. Aldran was sleeping on a chair in front of the fire, his tail was threaded through the gap between the back and the seat, twitching every few seconds or so.
Ras wrinkled her nose at the smell she was giving off: sweat, blood, and dirt was what she could identify and there were a few things she couldn't. She looked down at herself and saw that the geist's blood had dried on her tunic to a dark blue, verging on purple, colour. Ugh. She needed new clothes. Ras hoped the geist's blood would wash off, but… She poked at the spots cautiously, feeling the difference between the untouched fabric and the bloodied parts. The geist had disappeared when it had died – so why hadn't the blood?
She shook her head and put that to the back of her mind. She could ask Ceilha or Dracer the next time she saw them.
When Ras felt slightly better, she reached over for the cup that was still on the table (as was the plate) and drank greedily until there was no water left. Her parched throat satisfied (at least, for the moment), she then slid the plate over to her lap and poked at its contents. It should still be all right to eat, and she didn't want to get up and find out how long it would be until the next meal was made. The first bite pulled at the bruises on her throat, and when she realised that, she warily swallowed the food. It was harder to do than normal, but she could still do it, though it would take her longer than usual.
While she ate, her gaze wandered around the room. It had a few chairs and tables dotted around, candle holders as well, but for the most part it was sparsely furnished. Outside the window, night had fallen, and Ras could see the light of the moon brightening the street.
The next thing she focused on was Aldran, and she just watched him as she ate her meal. So psyvens slept as well as ate. Maybe she should stop thinking about how she thought Aldran was supposed to be and treat him as she would any other person. He was so different from what she had expected or imagined a psyven to be, one part of her mused, yet in other ways, he was exactly like the stories had said.
And she didn't really want that to change. Him being more assured of himself, possibly, but no, she didn't want him to change from the person she knew him as - he wouldn't be Aldran otherwise.
When she had finished, Ras set the plate down as gently as she could and shuffled over to the edge of the bed, dreading getting up. She gingerly touched her feet to the cold floor, letting them get used to it, before padding over to Aldran's side. He had a peaceful expression on his face, one that wasn't creasing his face with worry, and Ras didn't want to wake him up, but if she didn't he would wake up in the morning with a sore neck. However long morning was from that moment, and maybe he'd been sleeping long enough that sleeping on a bed wouldn't make a difference. But if she didn't wake him up, she wouldn't know.
"Hey," she said quietly. He didn't stir, and Ras stood there, wondering if she should try again.
"Aldran?" she said a little louder. There was a small flicker behind his eyes, and his tail twitched so that it curled around the chair leg, but that was all. Sighing, Ras leaned over - and then nearly fell on top of Aldran when her foot moved slower than she had anticipated. With a squawk, her palm impacted on Aldran's shoulder, and his eyes flew open instantly - there was a brief second where Ras thought that was all that was going to happen, but then Aldran flailed, tipping the chair over backwards.
They hit the ground with a crash. Aldran yelped, scrambling away while Ras curled up and started laughing on the floor. That had definitely not been what she had intended to do (the waking up yes, but not so much in the violent way that it had happened) and it was just the suddenness of it all that caused her to laugh. Though it was more like breathless wheezing in the state she was currently in, especially since every gasp hurt.
"Are you all right?" she asked, craning her neck up to look at Aldran upside down.
"I'm - I'm all right," he said in a rush, and Ras could see him huddled up and stroking his tail.
She frowned, rolling over to look at him properly. "Are you hurt?" He had yelped, but she'd assumed it was out of surprise, nothing more.
"A little bit?" he said uncertainly, his hands not stopping over a particular area near the tip of his tail. "The chair landed on top of it..."
Ras' mirth vanished. "Dammit, sorry - I wasn't laughing at your pain - I thought-" She stopped the tumble of words out her mouth when Aldran waved a hand.
"I know that," he said, smiling softly. A confused look stole across his face. "But, why did you come over? Shouldn't you still be resting?"
"I came over because I was worried about you," she told him. The confused look gave way to surprise and then the confused look came swiftly back.
"Why were you worried about me?"
Ras stared at him, a frown forming on her face, not understanding his tone. "Because I didn't want you to wake up with a sore neck."
The petting of his tail slowed down, and Aldran blinked at her. "Oh."
"Come on," she said, easing herself up onto her feet. "You should sleep in a bed, not a chair."
Nodding, Aldran got up and they both unsteadily went to bed.
* * *
It was morning the next time Ras opened her eyes, the chittering of birds informing her of this before she saw the sunlight streaming in through the window. It was later than when she normally awoke, but she did feel rested. Mostly. She still felt weak, but she was able to make her body do more than it previously had without pushing for it too hard.
Unsurprisingly, her throat still ached, feeling sensitive even when all she was doing was breathing. Again, on the table next to her was some food on a plate, a cup next to it.
"You're awake!" There was a clatter of footsteps and Aldran appeared beside her, a relieved smile on his face.
Ras smiled back at him as she sat up. Aldran rushed closer, his hands raised to help her up, but they stopped short, hovering above her. His tail lashed quickly in and out of view.
"Do you want help?" he asked carefully.
She shook her head, humming. "I can do this." She wasn't sure about walking –she might have to use him as a crutch again- but the little things she was able to do, she wanted to do herself. After she'd finished her water, Aldran was still hovering above her, a conflicted look on his face.
"Are you going to sit down?" she asked mildly, tilting her head back to see him properly, feeling the pull of muscle around her throat. If she did that for too long, her neck was going to start straining to keep that position.
"Oh, um, yeah." It looked like Aldran was back to his usual self, Ras thought with exasperated amusement. His tail whipping around one last time, Aldran plonked himself down on the other bed, his eyes raking over Ras like he was afraid that if he looked hard enough, Ras was going to be missing something.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, Ras more reading the tension in his shoulders and the way his tail had curled around him, almost to the point of curving onto his lap than from his tone of voice.
"Better," she told him, gently clenching and easing her hand into a fist, the movement mostly smooth and easy. It was then a burst of dread coiled around her stomach, as if it was trying to suffocate it, just like the geist had been doing to her yesterday.
She could have died. She probably should have died in those circumstances; except she hadn't. She was alive; her body hated that fact at the moment, but every laboured breath she took, the fact that her ruined tunic felt like it was rubbing the skin around her neck raw, the pounding headache that wasn't abating in the slightest, all those things were telling her that she was alive.
She sagged against the wall, closing her eyes and just breathing, trying to sort out her myriad emotions, thanking the Gods that she was still alive and her soul was still untouched. This was going to happen every single time they were called out, she realised, the dread growing further and spreading until she was finding it hard to breathe again, feeling herself shake.
"Ras…?"
Ras opened her eyes and glanced at Aldran, the worry evident in his face as he continued to watch her carefully, leaning forward like he wanted to get up and go over to her side.
"I'm…" All right, she was going to say, but she paused, not wanting to lie so badly to him. And it was clear that she wasn't, so there was no point in pretending. She took a deep breath, hoping that would be enough to calm herself down. It wasn't, and she didn't feel that much different than before.
The bed creaked as Aldran sat next to her, and Ras found herself leaning into him, because it was less tiring that way. Aldran's tail flicked on the other side of him, and she focused on that again, with the hope of driving the other thoughts away.
She frowned faintly when she remembered what happened the previous night. "Your tail's better now?"
Aldran made a sound of acknowledgement, and Ras felt him nod rather than see it. "It doesn't hurt anymore."
"That's good." She was quiet for a while, trying not to think of anything, letting her thoughts drift. Aldran didn't smell otherworldly either, she noted distantly. He smelled just like everything around them, nothing that Ras could catch that set him apart.
So, she was going to die. Her stomach clenched, but she continued to inspect the thought, feeling rather removed from it, like it wasn't happening to her, she wasn't in control of anything. Ras had always known she was going to die at some point – everyone did. Pleading with the Gods… Sometimes They helped, and sometimes They didn't, depending on how They felt at the time. But even if the Gods did hear someone's cry and decided to help, it only prolonged the inevitable.
She was most probably going to die in a few years in the very latest – she could die in two days, in something completely unrelated to the geists or living as a khertan.
Ras sighed, the headache not helping her thinking, or her thinking was making her headache worse. Maybe she should try thinking about it later, when her head was clearer - but would she really? Wouldn't she just ignore it while she could, while she was completely healthy? If she was healthy and unhurt, why would she have to think of death?
But as she'd thought earlier, there wasn't anything she could do about it. The Gods had chosen her to be a khertan; if the Gods decided that she was going to die, then she was going to die when They decreed it, and she would start her new life somewhere else.
Aldran's tail was batting his thigh to a nervous beat and Ras realised she hadn't spoken for several minutes. She shook her head, hoping that could dislodge some of her gloomier thoughts. It didn't, her stomach still tight with worry, no matter how nonchalant her thoughts were.
For a different tack, Ras took in as much air as her lungs could allow, held it there for a second, and then released it slowly, trying to relax.
One faint thread of a thought, created by her previous musings, tried to make itself known, whispering at her. Ras poked at it, and then chuckled weakly, ducking her head.
"Aldran," she said softly, and she felt Aldran' stiffen, saw his tail freezing in the air. She harshly blew air through her teeth, still musing the thought. "I want to change my promise."
And that was the sound of Aldran choking on air. Startled, Ras leaned back in alarm. "What's wrong?" she demanded, panic exploding in her. Why was he like this? He was pale and wide eyed.
"Why…" he said weakly, barely even whispering. "Why would you want to?"
Ras stared at Aldran in confusion for a few seconds before she realised what she'd said and how that could be interpreted. She spluttered, shaking her head. "I didn't mean that I wanted to die!" she protested, and Aldran's shoulder's slumped.
Summary: Ras has just been chosen by the Gods to protect humans from geists, beings that prey on people's souls. Sent by Them to aid her is Aldran, a psyven; through the bond forged on their first meeting, Aldran can pass his magic to Ras for her to use against the geists. Only those bonded with psyvens can fight the geists, as a psyven's magic is the one magic that is truly effective against them.
But stories are told to children to placate fears and soothe nightmares. Ras has to learn that Aldran and living as a khertan are not what she expected and that the danger is very real.
While she adjusts to her new life, she and Aldran begin to discover all is not as it seems; however, realising and accepting the truth is not easy and ultimately, in the end, is it worth it?
Rating: PG-13
Notes: Contains thinking about death.
My commentary is here.
Genre: Fantasy/Friendship
Word count: 3,574
Total word count: 18,781
Status: Work in progress
Ras watched it for a second, letting his tail's movement hypnotise her, and she let her mind drift, away from her aching body, away from her worries. What was it like having a tail? It seemed useful in some ways, helping with balance, and Ras wondered what it felt like to have one. Now was not the best time to ask, and at that particular moment, Ras felt if she did any hard thinking about any subject, it would be forgotten come morning. Wiping the sweat slicked hair away from her eyes, Ras sighed, and then shot Aldran a tired smile.
"I kept my promise," she murmured.
The tail stopped moving for a second in the corner of her eye before it started to bat again like it hadn't stopped.
Aldran ducked his head, but Ras could still see the small smile on his face anyway.
"And you kept yours," she continued, wanting to lean over and nudge him, but if she did that, she would probably lose her balance.
The smile faded. "I don't think I did..." Aldran said quietly, his tail tapping the ground.
Ras raised her eyebrows. "I'm still alive-"
"You're hurt-"
"-And your promise was to help me keep my promise of doing that," she pressed on, not letting Aldran interrupt her or make herself doubt. "And you did - you opened up the link and you offered your magic to me."
"But I also ended up severing the link!" he protested in agitation, his tail whipping in long sweeping arcs behind him, and that was the most amount of movement Ras had seen them do since she'd known him. "I lost my concentration-"
"Because I had been hit," she cut in quickly. "And you opened the link again soon after."
"How do I stop getting distracted when you're being hurt in front of me?" Aldran asked sadly, his head dipping even further, tightening his arms around his knees.
"By getting-" Ras stopped herself from letting the rest of those words tumble from her mouth. Yes, she was aching, and her thinking was fuzzy, but that did not mean she should be flippant about what had happened, and saying 'By getting used to it' was definitely flippant and really... Ras couldn't think of what word was needed there.
"Never mind," she said, shaking her head slowly, the world brightening for a few seconds when she did that. "You helped at the times when I needed you."
"But..." Aldran's tail had stilled, back to its tiny movements again. "You were hurt because I lost concentration."
"And we killed the geist together because you got it back." Ras could feel herself swaying, so she brought her knees up to lean her head on them. When Aldran didn't try to argue again, she peeked at him from the corner of her eyes.
He was staring at the ground, frowning, the tip of his tail flicking.
She looked up again -slowly, in case the world started to move- when she heard approaching footsteps. It was Ceilha who was at the doorway, and her eyes flicked towards the open front door for a second before she came over to them.
"How are you both?" Ceilha asked them, settling down next to Aldran.
"Alive?" Ras threw out, her mind still not quite able to stop her mouth before it said the first thing that came to her mind. She ached, but that was telling her she was still there, that she was still alive and whole, and that was what mattered. Aldran nodded along to her answered.
That caused a smile to grow on Ceilha's face. "Good to hear. Now," she said, looking at both of them, "How do you feel about having a rest?"
Ras laughed, even if that did make her head hurt. That sounded like a really good idea.
The inn wasn't that far off from where they had found the geists, which Ras' stomach had flopped when that realisation had hit. Though she couldn't really think that well at that particular moment, both her mind and body demanding rest, and the only reason why she had been able to walk was because Aldran had supported her the entire time. Sometimes his tail would brush her leg but it was only for a second, when Aldran realised what it had done, before flicking it away again.
Ceilha and Dracer had walked at a sedate pace, making sure they could follow comfortably, and Ras envied them for how at ease they appeared to be, not one misstep, or even looking like they had fought a geist recently. Ras on the other hand, felt every little scrape on her body, her skin feeling sensitised where the geist had held her, her head and neck throbbing out of sync, making evey second painful and every footstep she took jarred them, making her wince.
She wondered how the bruises would look in the morning, and then decided she didn't care - the way she was feeling at that particular moment, she was probably going to sleep for the entire day. She felt like she had ran up a steep hill, climbed down a rocky cliff face and then swam through a river. She didn't want to move, but she kept putting one foot in front of the other concentrating on moving her leg for the next step, and then the next one, and then the one after that. It was slow going, but she was coping.
Ceilha and Dracer dropped back to speak to them. "The inn here is very small," Ceilha said cautiously, like she was testing the waters.
Ras nodded to show she understood, saving her breath and concentration for walking. With what she'd seen of the village, she was actually surprised they had one.
"They only have two rooms," Ceilha continued.
Hm, that wasn't very... There were four people. Ras groaned. "How many beds?"
"Three," Ceilha said dryly. "Dracer and I will take the double, unless you want other arrangements?"
Ras shook her head. When she had woken this morning (had it really been this morning? It was barely lunch time - which reminded her - she was hungry now too.) Aldran had already been there. It had been a shock to wake up in a room that was not her own, seeing him sitting quietly on the chair, but if she hadn't seen him as soon as she had woken up, she would have dismissed everything that had happened the day before as some brain-addled dream. Though, waking up in a room in Winolock would have been obvious at some point or another, even if she hadn't asked Aldran.
The innkeeper, a wizened man, with a perchant of stumbling over his words (Ras had a disheartened feeling that was going to be yet another thing she had to become used to) had been waiting for them when they came through the door, and lead them to their rooms. There thankfully weren't any stairs to climb, and as soon as the door was shut behind them, Ras stumbled over to the closest bed, toed her boots off and fell asleep as soon as she closed her eyes.
Ras was somehow under the bed covers when she awoke. She was fairly sure she had been on top of it before she fell asleep. Her head was no longer throbbing, but she could definitely feel the bruises and swelling around her neck, the pillow pressing on them. It felt too warm, but there wasn't anything she could do about that at the moment. There was a plate of food on the table beside her, but though she was ravenous, she didn't have the strength to sit up and eat it, so she drifted off again.
The lighting of the room was different the next time Ras woke up, the crackling of the fire evident. She felt slightly better, though her muscles felt limp and useless.
She slowly pulled herself into a sitting position with a grunt and leaned back on the wall. Even that used up the little reserves she can gained through sleeping, and she stayed there for a second, just regaining her breath. Aldran was sleeping on a chair in front of the fire, his tail was threaded through the gap between the back and the seat, twitching every few seconds or so.
Ras wrinkled her nose at the smell she was giving off: sweat, blood, and dirt was what she could identify and there were a few things she couldn't. She looked down at herself and saw that the geist's blood had dried on her tunic to a dark blue, verging on purple, colour. Ugh. She needed new clothes. Ras hoped the geist's blood would wash off, but… She poked at the spots cautiously, feeling the difference between the untouched fabric and the bloodied parts. The geist had disappeared when it had died – so why hadn't the blood?
She shook her head and put that to the back of her mind. She could ask Ceilha or Dracer the next time she saw them.
When Ras felt slightly better, she reached over for the cup that was still on the table (as was the plate) and drank greedily until there was no water left. Her parched throat satisfied (at least, for the moment), she then slid the plate over to her lap and poked at its contents. It should still be all right to eat, and she didn't want to get up and find out how long it would be until the next meal was made. The first bite pulled at the bruises on her throat, and when she realised that, she warily swallowed the food. It was harder to do than normal, but she could still do it, though it would take her longer than usual.
While she ate, her gaze wandered around the room. It had a few chairs and tables dotted around, candle holders as well, but for the most part it was sparsely furnished. Outside the window, night had fallen, and Ras could see the light of the moon brightening the street.
The next thing she focused on was Aldran, and she just watched him as she ate her meal. So psyvens slept as well as ate. Maybe she should stop thinking about how she thought Aldran was supposed to be and treat him as she would any other person. He was so different from what she had expected or imagined a psyven to be, one part of her mused, yet in other ways, he was exactly like the stories had said.
And she didn't really want that to change. Him being more assured of himself, possibly, but no, she didn't want him to change from the person she knew him as - he wouldn't be Aldran otherwise.
When she had finished, Ras set the plate down as gently as she could and shuffled over to the edge of the bed, dreading getting up. She gingerly touched her feet to the cold floor, letting them get used to it, before padding over to Aldran's side. He had a peaceful expression on his face, one that wasn't creasing his face with worry, and Ras didn't want to wake him up, but if she didn't he would wake up in the morning with a sore neck. However long morning was from that moment, and maybe he'd been sleeping long enough that sleeping on a bed wouldn't make a difference. But if she didn't wake him up, she wouldn't know.
"Hey," she said quietly. He didn't stir, and Ras stood there, wondering if she should try again.
"Aldran?" she said a little louder. There was a small flicker behind his eyes, and his tail twitched so that it curled around the chair leg, but that was all. Sighing, Ras leaned over - and then nearly fell on top of Aldran when her foot moved slower than she had anticipated. With a squawk, her palm impacted on Aldran's shoulder, and his eyes flew open instantly - there was a brief second where Ras thought that was all that was going to happen, but then Aldran flailed, tipping the chair over backwards.
They hit the ground with a crash. Aldran yelped, scrambling away while Ras curled up and started laughing on the floor. That had definitely not been what she had intended to do (the waking up yes, but not so much in the violent way that it had happened) and it was just the suddenness of it all that caused her to laugh. Though it was more like breathless wheezing in the state she was currently in, especially since every gasp hurt.
"Are you all right?" she asked, craning her neck up to look at Aldran upside down.
"I'm - I'm all right," he said in a rush, and Ras could see him huddled up and stroking his tail.
She frowned, rolling over to look at him properly. "Are you hurt?" He had yelped, but she'd assumed it was out of surprise, nothing more.
"A little bit?" he said uncertainly, his hands not stopping over a particular area near the tip of his tail. "The chair landed on top of it..."
Ras' mirth vanished. "Dammit, sorry - I wasn't laughing at your pain - I thought-" She stopped the tumble of words out her mouth when Aldran waved a hand.
"I know that," he said, smiling softly. A confused look stole across his face. "But, why did you come over? Shouldn't you still be resting?"
"I came over because I was worried about you," she told him. The confused look gave way to surprise and then the confused look came swiftly back.
"Why were you worried about me?"
Ras stared at him, a frown forming on her face, not understanding his tone. "Because I didn't want you to wake up with a sore neck."
The petting of his tail slowed down, and Aldran blinked at her. "Oh."
"Come on," she said, easing herself up onto her feet. "You should sleep in a bed, not a chair."
Nodding, Aldran got up and they both unsteadily went to bed.
It was morning the next time Ras opened her eyes, the chittering of birds informing her of this before she saw the sunlight streaming in through the window. It was later than when she normally awoke, but she did feel rested. Mostly. She still felt weak, but she was able to make her body do more than it previously had without pushing for it too hard.
Unsurprisingly, her throat still ached, feeling sensitive even when all she was doing was breathing. Again, on the table next to her was some food on a plate, a cup next to it.
"You're awake!" There was a clatter of footsteps and Aldran appeared beside her, a relieved smile on his face.
Ras smiled back at him as she sat up. Aldran rushed closer, his hands raised to help her up, but they stopped short, hovering above her. His tail lashed quickly in and out of view.
"Do you want help?" he asked carefully.
She shook her head, humming. "I can do this." She wasn't sure about walking –she might have to use him as a crutch again- but the little things she was able to do, she wanted to do herself. After she'd finished her water, Aldran was still hovering above her, a conflicted look on his face.
"Are you going to sit down?" she asked mildly, tilting her head back to see him properly, feeling the pull of muscle around her throat. If she did that for too long, her neck was going to start straining to keep that position.
"Oh, um, yeah." It looked like Aldran was back to his usual self, Ras thought with exasperated amusement. His tail whipping around one last time, Aldran plonked himself down on the other bed, his eyes raking over Ras like he was afraid that if he looked hard enough, Ras was going to be missing something.
"How are you feeling?" he asked, Ras more reading the tension in his shoulders and the way his tail had curled around him, almost to the point of curving onto his lap than from his tone of voice.
"Better," she told him, gently clenching and easing her hand into a fist, the movement mostly smooth and easy. It was then a burst of dread coiled around her stomach, as if it was trying to suffocate it, just like the geist had been doing to her yesterday.
She could have died. She probably should have died in those circumstances; except she hadn't. She was alive; her body hated that fact at the moment, but every laboured breath she took, the fact that her ruined tunic felt like it was rubbing the skin around her neck raw, the pounding headache that wasn't abating in the slightest, all those things were telling her that she was alive.
She sagged against the wall, closing her eyes and just breathing, trying to sort out her myriad emotions, thanking the Gods that she was still alive and her soul was still untouched. This was going to happen every single time they were called out, she realised, the dread growing further and spreading until she was finding it hard to breathe again, feeling herself shake.
"Ras…?"
Ras opened her eyes and glanced at Aldran, the worry evident in his face as he continued to watch her carefully, leaning forward like he wanted to get up and go over to her side.
"I'm…" All right, she was going to say, but she paused, not wanting to lie so badly to him. And it was clear that she wasn't, so there was no point in pretending. She took a deep breath, hoping that would be enough to calm herself down. It wasn't, and she didn't feel that much different than before.
The bed creaked as Aldran sat next to her, and Ras found herself leaning into him, because it was less tiring that way. Aldran's tail flicked on the other side of him, and she focused on that again, with the hope of driving the other thoughts away.
She frowned faintly when she remembered what happened the previous night. "Your tail's better now?"
Aldran made a sound of acknowledgement, and Ras felt him nod rather than see it. "It doesn't hurt anymore."
"That's good." She was quiet for a while, trying not to think of anything, letting her thoughts drift. Aldran didn't smell otherworldly either, she noted distantly. He smelled just like everything around them, nothing that Ras could catch that set him apart.
So, she was going to die. Her stomach clenched, but she continued to inspect the thought, feeling rather removed from it, like it wasn't happening to her, she wasn't in control of anything. Ras had always known she was going to die at some point – everyone did. Pleading with the Gods… Sometimes They helped, and sometimes They didn't, depending on how They felt at the time. But even if the Gods did hear someone's cry and decided to help, it only prolonged the inevitable.
She was most probably going to die in a few years in the very latest – she could die in two days, in something completely unrelated to the geists or living as a khertan.
Ras sighed, the headache not helping her thinking, or her thinking was making her headache worse. Maybe she should try thinking about it later, when her head was clearer - but would she really? Wouldn't she just ignore it while she could, while she was completely healthy? If she was healthy and unhurt, why would she have to think of death?
But as she'd thought earlier, there wasn't anything she could do about it. The Gods had chosen her to be a khertan; if the Gods decided that she was going to die, then she was going to die when They decreed it, and she would start her new life somewhere else.
Aldran's tail was batting his thigh to a nervous beat and Ras realised she hadn't spoken for several minutes. She shook her head, hoping that could dislodge some of her gloomier thoughts. It didn't, her stomach still tight with worry, no matter how nonchalant her thoughts were.
For a different tack, Ras took in as much air as her lungs could allow, held it there for a second, and then released it slowly, trying to relax.
One faint thread of a thought, created by her previous musings, tried to make itself known, whispering at her. Ras poked at it, and then chuckled weakly, ducking her head.
"Aldran," she said softly, and she felt Aldran' stiffen, saw his tail freezing in the air. She harshly blew air through her teeth, still musing the thought. "I want to change my promise."
And that was the sound of Aldran choking on air. Startled, Ras leaned back in alarm. "What's wrong?" she demanded, panic exploding in her. Why was he like this? He was pale and wide eyed.
"Why…" he said weakly, barely even whispering. "Why would you want to?"
Ras stared at Aldran in confusion for a few seconds before she realised what she'd said and how that could be interpreted. She spluttered, shaking her head. "I didn't mean that I wanted to die!" she protested, and Aldran's shoulder's slumped.