Chosen [Part 30]
May. 13th, 2012 09:04 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
esp_dragonFandom: Original
Summary: Ras has just been chosen by the Gods to protect humans from geists, beings that prey on people's souls. Sent by Them to aid her is Aldran, a psyven; through the bond forged on their first meeting, Aldran can pass his magic to Ras for her to use against the geists. Only those bonded with psyvens can fight the geists, as a psyven's magic is the one magic that is truly effective against them.
But stories are told to children to placate fears and soothe nightmares. Ras has to learn that Aldran and living as a khertan are not what she expected and that the danger is very real.
While she adjusts to her new life, she and Aldran begin to discover all is not as it seems; however, realising and accepting the truth is not easy and ultimately, in the end, is it worth it?
Rating: PG-13
Notes: I don't have any? Except I'm behiiind, but ah well. XD;;
Genre: Fantasy/Friendship
Word count: 2,535
Total word count: 66,529
Status: Work in progress
"No, Ras," Aldran said, his voice so soft she could barely hear him. "Not like that." He breathed a soft sigh, bowing his head. "When I was first created, I didn't - I didn't have a soul." Ras couldn't think, wasn't even sure if her heart was beating; all she could do was keep silent and listen. "It - it hurt, as if my body was trying to tear itself apart because of it. But then you were there and... I don't know what happened. I - your soul-" Aldran halted, a fist clenched over his heart.
"When you touched me, somet - your soul passed between us, bound us together."
"Why-" Ras croaked, words unable to squeeze out her throat. She swallowed and tried again. "Why do you-" She didn't want to say 'think' because Aldran seemed so certain, but it was the only word that came to mind. "-think it was my soul?" It couldn't be, could it? He had to have been mistaken; maybe the shock of being created...?
Aldran sent her a helpless glance. "That was when Lesten and Yaran told us."
Any thoughts Ras had disappeared with a snap at Aldran's words. "Lesten and Yaran told you this?" she repeated, her voice faint. They - they knew? They knew about this? They hadn't given any hint that they had talked about this before - and that just made Ras' heart clench. They knew and had talked to her and Aldran about it; with the position that they held...
'You don't think that there are people who know?'
Ras gritted her teeth at the mocking words of the geist. It had been telling the truth. Again. ...Had it ever told her a lie? But now was not the time to think about that.
Aldran nodded slowly, watching her. "When we arrived here, they told us everything." His eyes darted away. "I - I think it was everything," he added, uncertaintly clear in his voice.
It was the way Aldran said those words that made the dread in Ras grow. There was still more, more that Aldran hadn't told her (yet, but she hoped he wouldn't hold it back) and what else was there to be said? Her mind was already reeling from how she and Aldran shared her soul; how could there be something else?
Trying to calm her rampaging heart, Ras said, "What else did they tell us?" And that just made Ras realised one fact that she had overlooked but it was obvious now that she could see it: Aldran knew. He remembered. And then there was another outpouring of questions. Did he remember because that was what he wanted? Did all psyvens know? Did mages' magic not work on him because he was a psyven? Or had he wanted to forget, but started remembering after a while?
The question made Aldran draw back, his gaze flicking away yet again. "I don't think-"
"Aldran, you have told me so much already-"
"Yes, but it was because of what I haven't said yet that made you decide to forget."
Ras had her mouth open but no words came forth. She had been willing to keep her memories before but whatever Aldran still hadn't revealed, that had been what had tipped the scales for her to forget? And she had been feeling relatively confident that she could be able to take all of the truth in her stride once she knew everything...
But Ras had to know. She couldn't have the knowledge that she didn't know something, especially when she had had to chance to know about it.
Taking a deep breath, Ras let it out slowly, trying to calm her nerves. "I..." she started, but she hesitated, not entirely sure what words to use. She couldn't say she understood, because she didn't. She couldn't say that she was prepared for the consequences, because she wasn't.
With her fingertips, Ras played with her pendant, tugging it once before letting it drop. She was a khertan; she had to know so that she could do her job, right?
"I...still want to know."
"Are you-" Aldran cut himself off before Ras could interrupt him, his lips pursing. He sat there, staring at the books for a while before he eventually nodded slowly, his eyes sliding closed. "All right."
He started fidgeting with the hem of his tunic again. He started whispering, and Ras had to lean forward to hear him clearly. "The magic you wield...it doesn't - it doesn't come from me."
All at once, the pieces fell together and Ras did not like the picture that had been created from it. If Aldran shared her soul, but Ras pulled magic from him, then that could only mean - "Your magic is-" She choked on the words, feeling dizzy. "-my soul?"
Aldran nodded, his eyes transfixed on the fireplace.
No wonder. No wonder he hadn't wanted her to push herself too hard with his - her magic. No wonder he hadn't wanted them to practice.
She was destroying her soul every time she used magic.
Ras' breath caught in her throat and she found it hard to breathe. She was...destroying her soul every time she used magic.
That - was it so much of a surprise now, how tired she felt after every fight they had with a geist? That she had felt so stretched thin from the core?
The lifespan of the khertan made so much sense now, why they were so haggard and tired after a few years.
But how did that work? She knew she was drawing something from Aldran when she used...magic -but she didn't know what a mage's magic felt like, did she?- and... She let out a slow breath. This was the Gods' doing -it was, wasn't it?- so trying to fathom how They had done...this would do her no good. And even if she did understand, that did not answer the more important questions.
One of them being: what was she going to do now? She knew why she had asked for her memories to be taken from her now. Ras stared down at her hands while her thoughts tumbled against each other in her head. Would she be able to fight now that she knew? Could she pull at her magic knowing that she was slowly destorying herself in doing so?
She clearly hadn't thought so before but... Ras slumped in her chair, letting out all the air in her lungs. This had happened. Because of her curiosity and need for knowledge, she had found out about the truth once more. Did that mean that if she asked for her memories to be taken from her again -and she wasn't sure if she was actually considering that or not, her thoughts spiralling further and further- would situations transpire so that she would eventually come to the same conclusion all over again? Was this the first time that had happened, or had she been stuck in a recurring cycle that continually repeated itself?
There were far too many questions in Ras' mind that demanded answers with equal fevor, but she knew that not all would have answers.
Lifting her head, Ras saw Aldran looking at her anxiously, and she slid her eyes away.
Could she do it? Could she fight a geist now and use her magic?
Ras' churning stomach stilled when she realised that yes, she could. Her breath catching in her thoat, Ras couldn't shake the certainty that if -or when, and that was looking to be the more likely option with every passing beat of her heart- she was in a fight with a geist with the knowledge that she now held, she would still be able to use her magic.
In some ways, Ras had an incling that it might help, making sure she would fight as efficiently as possible without waste.
And that was when another thought struck her, making her frown. She had known that she was going to have a shorter life than most soon after she became a khertan -and Ras wondered if Ceilha and Dracer remembered- but she had accepted that as the khertan life was dangerous; still, how many of the khertan and psyven deaths were due to the bad luck of coming across a group of geists unprepared and how many of their deaths were due to over-exhausting their soul?
...Or were they connected? Was it partially because the khertan and psyven didn't know what they were doing to themselves that they threw out too much magic at once? And if they had been fighting a group, then they wouldn't have had a choice...
Her mind was wandering again. Ras' head was filled with theories and questions, but she needed to focus now. It didn't quite stop her thoughts from trying to overwhelm her, but they did calm down. Somewhat.
Ras had a feeling that she might have to take note of all the questions she had for later, when she could sort through them properly.
But now was not the time for that.
"Ras...?" Aldran said quietly.
She winced at his verbal prodding. She had been silent for far too long, lost in her clattering thoughts. Ras slowly pushed herself up, the creak of the chair sounding ominious in the otherwise silent room. "We... I want to speak with Lesten and Yaran," she said, rubbing at the back of her neck. Finding them shouldn't be too-
Ras' thoughts halted when she saw the utterly despairing expression on Aldran's bloodless face, looking as if she had said the worst possible thing to him and - oh, that - that had not been the right words to say to him, Ras realised when she went over what she had said. He must have thought she was meaning to...
"I haven't decided to take away my memories again!" she explained in a rush, taking two quick steps to be at his side. Why couldn't she say what she meant the first time? "I want to talk with them because..." Wait, was she rushing in again and assuming details? "Were Lesten and Yaran the ones who..." Yes, she was assuming again. Ras pursed her lips, trying to put her thoughts in some sort of order. "Who first suggested the taking away of the memories?" Had it been her? Had she been the one who brought the idea up in the first place?
"Lesten and Yaran," Aldran said softly.
His answer relieved her in a way. She hadn't demanded to forget as soon as she had found out the truth. But then… "I definitely want to speak with them, then," Ras said, glancing at the door before looking back at Aldran. His anxious look had faded somewhat, but it was still there, and he didn't look like he was willing to move from the chair.
"Why?"
"Because..." Ras sighed, not sure how to exactly put the words together. "They made an offer to me so that I could forget, so that I would still be able to fight geists without..." Ha. Without fear? Without thinking of that she would die? She still had those thoughts before she knew the truth - and maybe that was another reason why they should still remember. Ras tried to collect her thoughts again. "But I'm not sure if we should fight when we don't realise that we're killing ourselves by doing that."
"Ras," Aldran said softly. "You chose to not remember," he reminded her.
Her eyes went downcast. "Yes, I know," she whispered. "But that was before I knew what I could do. And now that I know, I don't want to forget."
"That... I'm not sure everyone would agree that they would want to remember after."
She nodded slowly. If that were true, then there would have been no point to forget their memories. Still. "I want to..." Ras suddenly had the feeling that she would just stand there in front of Lesten and Yaran saying nothing when they asked why she wanted to speak with them. She brushed the thought away; that wasn't going to stop her from still trying - she couldn't let it pass because she thought she would embarrass herself. And just because she thought she would act that way, that didn't mean that she would when the time came.
But, she was a little...curious about all the details, if she was being honest. She wanted to know what had happened when she'd first came to Winolock, those hazy memories making a lot more sense now.
Ras rubbed at the back of her neck. "You don't have to come with me-"
"I want to," Aldran said quickly, getting to his feet. "I don't..." He trailed off before shaking his head. "I want to," he repeated, and Ras smiled, feeling lighter.
"It shouldn't be too hard to find them," Ras mused as she headed towards the door. "They only stay in Winolock, don't they?"
Aldran shrugged as he followed her. "They're the leaders here, so I suppose they would have to stay here." He was silent as they wandered down the corridors, seeing no-one, but hearing echoes of footsteps.
They caught sight of a number of mages but they didn't appear to hear any calls for attention and if Ras was guessing correctly, she had a feeling they were heading towards the library.
Ras doubted she and Aldran had any specific destination in mind, but it was a nice change, to do something at a more lesuirely pace rather than sprinting from one place to another. They somehow ended up near some windows, and Ras paused there to look out.
"Are you sure you want to keep your memories?" Aldran asked suddenly.
Blinking, Ras turned around to face him - and when had he started to fall behind her again? "Yes, I'm sure. I won't forget all that I've learned this time."
Aldran let out a long breath, looking more relaxed, giving her a small smile.
That was when the guilt crashed into Ras and before she could talk herself out of it, she stepped close to Aldran and threw her arms around him, hugging him. Aldran stiffened at her touch, but he slowly relaxed, leaning into her and also wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm sorry," she said, her words muffled by his shoulder. "You've been holding this in you all this time and..."
"It's fine-"
"It's not! You've known that-" She cut herself off, remembering they were in public. There wasn't anyone else near them, but just in case, Ras didn't say it. "And all you could do was watch me..."
"No - it's-" Aldran's voice was choked and Ras drew back to look at Aldran worriedly. He wouldn't meet her gaze. "Fine. It's because of me that you have to do this-"
"What are you talking about?" Ras burst out. How could Aldran be blaming himself for what had happened?
And there, Aldran stared her straight in the eye, anguish clearly written on his face. "If I hadn't been created, then you wouldn't be ki-" He halted himself just in time, his mouth an unhappy line.
"You... You've been blaming yourself all this time? For existing?"
Summary: Ras has just been chosen by the Gods to protect humans from geists, beings that prey on people's souls. Sent by Them to aid her is Aldran, a psyven; through the bond forged on their first meeting, Aldran can pass his magic to Ras for her to use against the geists. Only those bonded with psyvens can fight the geists, as a psyven's magic is the one magic that is truly effective against them.
But stories are told to children to placate fears and soothe nightmares. Ras has to learn that Aldran and living as a khertan are not what she expected and that the danger is very real.
While she adjusts to her new life, she and Aldran begin to discover all is not as it seems; however, realising and accepting the truth is not easy and ultimately, in the end, is it worth it?
Rating: PG-13
Notes: I don't have any? Except I'm behiiind, but ah well. XD;;
Genre: Fantasy/Friendship
Word count: 2,535
Total word count: 66,529
Status: Work in progress
"No, Ras," Aldran said, his voice so soft she could barely hear him. "Not like that." He breathed a soft sigh, bowing his head. "When I was first created, I didn't - I didn't have a soul." Ras couldn't think, wasn't even sure if her heart was beating; all she could do was keep silent and listen. "It - it hurt, as if my body was trying to tear itself apart because of it. But then you were there and... I don't know what happened. I - your soul-" Aldran halted, a fist clenched over his heart.
"When you touched me, somet - your soul passed between us, bound us together."
"Why-" Ras croaked, words unable to squeeze out her throat. She swallowed and tried again. "Why do you-" She didn't want to say 'think' because Aldran seemed so certain, but it was the only word that came to mind. "-think it was my soul?" It couldn't be, could it? He had to have been mistaken; maybe the shock of being created...?
Aldran sent her a helpless glance. "That was when Lesten and Yaran told us."
Any thoughts Ras had disappeared with a snap at Aldran's words. "Lesten and Yaran told you this?" she repeated, her voice faint. They - they knew? They knew about this? They hadn't given any hint that they had talked about this before - and that just made Ras' heart clench. They knew and had talked to her and Aldran about it; with the position that they held...
'You don't think that there are people who know?'
Ras gritted her teeth at the mocking words of the geist. It had been telling the truth. Again. ...Had it ever told her a lie? But now was not the time to think about that.
Aldran nodded slowly, watching her. "When we arrived here, they told us everything." His eyes darted away. "I - I think it was everything," he added, uncertaintly clear in his voice.
It was the way Aldran said those words that made the dread in Ras grow. There was still more, more that Aldran hadn't told her (yet, but she hoped he wouldn't hold it back) and what else was there to be said? Her mind was already reeling from how she and Aldran shared her soul; how could there be something else?
Trying to calm her rampaging heart, Ras said, "What else did they tell us?" And that just made Ras realised one fact that she had overlooked but it was obvious now that she could see it: Aldran knew. He remembered. And then there was another outpouring of questions. Did he remember because that was what he wanted? Did all psyvens know? Did mages' magic not work on him because he was a psyven? Or had he wanted to forget, but started remembering after a while?
The question made Aldran draw back, his gaze flicking away yet again. "I don't think-"
"Aldran, you have told me so much already-"
"Yes, but it was because of what I haven't said yet that made you decide to forget."
Ras had her mouth open but no words came forth. She had been willing to keep her memories before but whatever Aldran still hadn't revealed, that had been what had tipped the scales for her to forget? And she had been feeling relatively confident that she could be able to take all of the truth in her stride once she knew everything...
But Ras had to know. She couldn't have the knowledge that she didn't know something, especially when she had had to chance to know about it.
Taking a deep breath, Ras let it out slowly, trying to calm her nerves. "I..." she started, but she hesitated, not entirely sure what words to use. She couldn't say she understood, because she didn't. She couldn't say that she was prepared for the consequences, because she wasn't.
With her fingertips, Ras played with her pendant, tugging it once before letting it drop. She was a khertan; she had to know so that she could do her job, right?
"I...still want to know."
"Are you-" Aldran cut himself off before Ras could interrupt him, his lips pursing. He sat there, staring at the books for a while before he eventually nodded slowly, his eyes sliding closed. "All right."
He started fidgeting with the hem of his tunic again. He started whispering, and Ras had to lean forward to hear him clearly. "The magic you wield...it doesn't - it doesn't come from me."
All at once, the pieces fell together and Ras did not like the picture that had been created from it. If Aldran shared her soul, but Ras pulled magic from him, then that could only mean - "Your magic is-" She choked on the words, feeling dizzy. "-my soul?"
Aldran nodded, his eyes transfixed on the fireplace.
No wonder. No wonder he hadn't wanted her to push herself too hard with his - her magic. No wonder he hadn't wanted them to practice.
She was destroying her soul every time she used magic.
Ras' breath caught in her throat and she found it hard to breathe. She was...destroying her soul every time she used magic.
That - was it so much of a surprise now, how tired she felt after every fight they had with a geist? That she had felt so stretched thin from the core?
The lifespan of the khertan made so much sense now, why they were so haggard and tired after a few years.
But how did that work? She knew she was drawing something from Aldran when she used...magic -but she didn't know what a mage's magic felt like, did she?- and... She let out a slow breath. This was the Gods' doing -it was, wasn't it?- so trying to fathom how They had done...this would do her no good. And even if she did understand, that did not answer the more important questions.
One of them being: what was she going to do now? She knew why she had asked for her memories to be taken from her now. Ras stared down at her hands while her thoughts tumbled against each other in her head. Would she be able to fight now that she knew? Could she pull at her magic knowing that she was slowly destorying herself in doing so?
She clearly hadn't thought so before but... Ras slumped in her chair, letting out all the air in her lungs. This had happened. Because of her curiosity and need for knowledge, she had found out about the truth once more. Did that mean that if she asked for her memories to be taken from her again -and she wasn't sure if she was actually considering that or not, her thoughts spiralling further and further- would situations transpire so that she would eventually come to the same conclusion all over again? Was this the first time that had happened, or had she been stuck in a recurring cycle that continually repeated itself?
There were far too many questions in Ras' mind that demanded answers with equal fevor, but she knew that not all would have answers.
Lifting her head, Ras saw Aldran looking at her anxiously, and she slid her eyes away.
Could she do it? Could she fight a geist now and use her magic?
Ras' churning stomach stilled when she realised that yes, she could. Her breath catching in her thoat, Ras couldn't shake the certainty that if -or when, and that was looking to be the more likely option with every passing beat of her heart- she was in a fight with a geist with the knowledge that she now held, she would still be able to use her magic.
In some ways, Ras had an incling that it might help, making sure she would fight as efficiently as possible without waste.
And that was when another thought struck her, making her frown. She had known that she was going to have a shorter life than most soon after she became a khertan -and Ras wondered if Ceilha and Dracer remembered- but she had accepted that as the khertan life was dangerous; still, how many of the khertan and psyven deaths were due to the bad luck of coming across a group of geists unprepared and how many of their deaths were due to over-exhausting their soul?
...Or were they connected? Was it partially because the khertan and psyven didn't know what they were doing to themselves that they threw out too much magic at once? And if they had been fighting a group, then they wouldn't have had a choice...
Her mind was wandering again. Ras' head was filled with theories and questions, but she needed to focus now. It didn't quite stop her thoughts from trying to overwhelm her, but they did calm down. Somewhat.
Ras had a feeling that she might have to take note of all the questions she had for later, when she could sort through them properly.
But now was not the time for that.
"Ras...?" Aldran said quietly.
She winced at his verbal prodding. She had been silent for far too long, lost in her clattering thoughts. Ras slowly pushed herself up, the creak of the chair sounding ominious in the otherwise silent room. "We... I want to speak with Lesten and Yaran," she said, rubbing at the back of her neck. Finding them shouldn't be too-
Ras' thoughts halted when she saw the utterly despairing expression on Aldran's bloodless face, looking as if she had said the worst possible thing to him and - oh, that - that had not been the right words to say to him, Ras realised when she went over what she had said. He must have thought she was meaning to...
"I haven't decided to take away my memories again!" she explained in a rush, taking two quick steps to be at his side. Why couldn't she say what she meant the first time? "I want to talk with them because..." Wait, was she rushing in again and assuming details? "Were Lesten and Yaran the ones who..." Yes, she was assuming again. Ras pursed her lips, trying to put her thoughts in some sort of order. "Who first suggested the taking away of the memories?" Had it been her? Had she been the one who brought the idea up in the first place?
"Lesten and Yaran," Aldran said softly.
His answer relieved her in a way. She hadn't demanded to forget as soon as she had found out the truth. But then… "I definitely want to speak with them, then," Ras said, glancing at the door before looking back at Aldran. His anxious look had faded somewhat, but it was still there, and he didn't look like he was willing to move from the chair.
"Why?"
"Because..." Ras sighed, not sure how to exactly put the words together. "They made an offer to me so that I could forget, so that I would still be able to fight geists without..." Ha. Without fear? Without thinking of that she would die? She still had those thoughts before she knew the truth - and maybe that was another reason why they should still remember. Ras tried to collect her thoughts again. "But I'm not sure if we should fight when we don't realise that we're killing ourselves by doing that."
"Ras," Aldran said softly. "You chose to not remember," he reminded her.
Her eyes went downcast. "Yes, I know," she whispered. "But that was before I knew what I could do. And now that I know, I don't want to forget."
"That... I'm not sure everyone would agree that they would want to remember after."
She nodded slowly. If that were true, then there would have been no point to forget their memories. Still. "I want to..." Ras suddenly had the feeling that she would just stand there in front of Lesten and Yaran saying nothing when they asked why she wanted to speak with them. She brushed the thought away; that wasn't going to stop her from still trying - she couldn't let it pass because she thought she would embarrass herself. And just because she thought she would act that way, that didn't mean that she would when the time came.
But, she was a little...curious about all the details, if she was being honest. She wanted to know what had happened when she'd first came to Winolock, those hazy memories making a lot more sense now.
Ras rubbed at the back of her neck. "You don't have to come with me-"
"I want to," Aldran said quickly, getting to his feet. "I don't..." He trailed off before shaking his head. "I want to," he repeated, and Ras smiled, feeling lighter.
"It shouldn't be too hard to find them," Ras mused as she headed towards the door. "They only stay in Winolock, don't they?"
Aldran shrugged as he followed her. "They're the leaders here, so I suppose they would have to stay here." He was silent as they wandered down the corridors, seeing no-one, but hearing echoes of footsteps.
They caught sight of a number of mages but they didn't appear to hear any calls for attention and if Ras was guessing correctly, she had a feeling they were heading towards the library.
Ras doubted she and Aldran had any specific destination in mind, but it was a nice change, to do something at a more lesuirely pace rather than sprinting from one place to another. They somehow ended up near some windows, and Ras paused there to look out.
"Are you sure you want to keep your memories?" Aldran asked suddenly.
Blinking, Ras turned around to face him - and when had he started to fall behind her again? "Yes, I'm sure. I won't forget all that I've learned this time."
Aldran let out a long breath, looking more relaxed, giving her a small smile.
That was when the guilt crashed into Ras and before she could talk herself out of it, she stepped close to Aldran and threw her arms around him, hugging him. Aldran stiffened at her touch, but he slowly relaxed, leaning into her and also wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm sorry," she said, her words muffled by his shoulder. "You've been holding this in you all this time and..."
"It's fine-"
"It's not! You've known that-" She cut herself off, remembering they were in public. There wasn't anyone else near them, but just in case, Ras didn't say it. "And all you could do was watch me..."
"No - it's-" Aldran's voice was choked and Ras drew back to look at Aldran worriedly. He wouldn't meet her gaze. "Fine. It's because of me that you have to do this-"
"What are you talking about?" Ras burst out. How could Aldran be blaming himself for what had happened?
And there, Aldran stared her straight in the eye, anguish clearly written on his face. "If I hadn't been created, then you wouldn't be ki-" He halted himself just in time, his mouth an unhappy line.
"You... You've been blaming yourself all this time? For existing?"