All You Have to Do is Breathe [Part 6]
Aug. 11th, 2015 11:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
esp_dragonFandom: Noblesse
Summary: There's a new guy in town, an inventor, and if Tao can steal a few interesting things from him, he'll be able to eat for a few days, maybe longer. He might even be able to get out of the town!
Tao's wish comes true, just not in the way he expected.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Steampunk? Friendship
Word count: 4,256
Total word count: 30,101
Status: Work in progress
The man still hadn't stirred a few hours later, and they sat around the campfire, dinner almost ready.
Maybe it was one of the things Boss always knew, or maybe Dark Spear had told him, but Boss looked over his own shoulder, smiling. "Evening."
Tao tensed and looked in the man's direction. Was he going to be as feral like he had been the last time he was conscious? There was no movement over there for a few seconds before there was a huff and the man sat up, his muscles tense.
…Right. The man had ridden a horse to get to them, so he had to be able to think.
"Ah, you shouldn't do that," Boss said. He didn't get to his feet and go to the man's side like Tao thought he would. "You're still healing."
The man didn't press a palm to any of his wounds (but that could have been to not scratch himself with his claws), pulling his legs towards himself. He narrowed his eyes for some reason, glaring at his ankles.
"There's food if you're hungry," Boss said. They'd made their usual portion size, with enough for the following day.
"I'm not."
Tao gaped. How could he not be hungry after all that? Did he not need to eat as much? …Or did the man not trust them to have done something to his food?
The man looked around, more at the ground than the horizon, like he was looking for something.
"Your gloves are next to where your head was," Boss offered. "There's spare clothes for you there as well."
The man picked up the gloves and after turning them inside out and back again, he slipped them on. The line of tension in his shoulders eased, but not all of it. "So I'm your prisoner now," the man said, his voice flat, one side of his mouth lifted up in a sneer.
"Do you see cuffs and chains?" Boss asked, his eyebrows raised. "I don't keep prisoners."
…Hah, Tao knew that well…
The man glared at his own legs again, his hands fisted. Then he snorted, lifting his gaze to Boss'. "So I'm free to go?"
Boss nodded towards the man's horse, who was still tethered next to him. "Your horse is there; you're free to stay or go as you wish."
Huh? Tao glanced at Boss. If the man got away, he would tell the Union more information, like Dark Spear. Why would Boss let him go?
"A trick," the man retorted, his hands going tighter. "You've already found out everything you want to."
Boss chuckled. "My skills are superb, but they're not that good, I'm afraid."
The man scowled. "Then what do you want to know?"
"How you're feeling." There hadn't been a pause.
"Fine." The word was clipped, one side of his mouth lifting to bare a fang.
"Very well." Boss got to his feet, going for the pot. As he passed, he gave Tao a pat on the shoulder.
The man glared at them, and Tao ducked his head, trying to focus on dinner, too aware of the man's gaze. The man didn't leave though, slipping the spare clothes on, and Tao hunched over his bowl and ate. Had Boss offered to let him go because he knew the man wouldn't leave?
* * *
Tao couldn't sleep, not after what had happened, and he stared up at the stars before turning on his side. Again. At this rate, he would sleep in the wagon when they travelled. If they travelled in the morning. Who knew what was going to happen.
He tensed at a soft scuff, ice shooting through him; he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, trying to control his breathing.
The sound had come from the wrong direction - Boss and Takagi-san were at his back and he hadn't heard either of them move. The only person over there was the man and his horse, but Tao couldn't hear any limping. Had he fully healed already? He must have.
Tao couldn't do anything but lie there, knowing the man was coming closer; he was frozen, not wanting to draw attention to himself. And what could he do? He was too weak to stop the man apart from standing in his way, if he could even get that far. Tao wasn't sure his legs would hold him if he tried to stand.
The man was heading towards the wagon, to where Boss kept his inventions and Tao was such a coward but he couldn't will himself to move or do something, to even wake up the others. That must have been why the man had stayed. Boss kept his suitcases of journals close to him while he slept, but Tao didn't want any of his belongings getting stolen!
There was an accompanying scuff and the man growled. "Out of my way, horse," he hissed. More movement and Tao peeked – Dark Spear was standing in front of the man, mirroring his movements. If Dark Spear knew he was there, then Boss had to know too. And if Dark Spear hadn't killed him yet after going for Boss' inventions, she wasn't going to. But why were they doing this?
"I don't care if you-!" The man didn't move, starting to tremble, his hands curled at his side.
"Fine. Just - fine." The man started to pace, not trying to get closer to the wagon. Dark Spear followed what he was doing with her head but didn't sidestep to block him. "It's not like I was supposed to get his information, right?" His voice was rising, and he flung an arm out as he span on his heel. "They sent me on a fucking suicide mission!" His voice cracked and his breathing was ragged.
"…Whatever. Fuck 'em." With one last twist, the man stalked back to where he'd been lying before. Tao closed his eyes again as he passed.
Once the man was far enough away, Tao turned over, not wanting to face him in case it was obvious he was still awake and had heard everything - just in time to see Takagi-san with his hand wrapped around his gun, his eyes towards the man. They shared a look and Tao stared at the ground before he saw Takagi-san's expression change.
It took a while until Tao fell asleep, exhaustion dragging at him.
* * *
Tao yawned the next morning as he cooked breakfast. He was lightheaded but he wasn't falling over; he should be able to cook breakfast without hurting himself, and he could nap afterwards.
Everyone else was still getting up, and he looked up at approaching footsteps. His face fell when he saw it was Tagaki-san.
He couldn't leave breakfast so he ducked his head, hoping Takagi-san wouldn't talk about what had happened the night before. Or what hadn't happened.
"Xiè-san…"
Dammit. "Yes?" he said, stirring the pot, not looking up.
"I want to talk about last night."
Tao hunched his shoulders. "I don't." He was a coward. He knew that; he didn't need someone else to tell him.
Tagaki-san moved closer, so Tao could see his legs by the pot. "Did you expect to be able to stop him?" His voice was soft enough to not carry elsewhere. There was no accusatory tone to his question, like he was asking his opinion on if he preferred meat or vegetables.
Maybe? "At least be able to do something," Tao mumbled into the broth. But…no, he wouldn't have done anything.
"Isn't that why you employed me?"
Tao paused, glancing up at Tagaki-san. He had a small smile on his face. "Well, yeah," Tao said. "But two people are better than one!"
"Doesn't Dark Spear count as a second person?"
…Dark Spear was part of the problem. She had proved she could defend the carriage without Boss' help though. Multiple times already.
"She does," Tao said, stirring the pot again. "I – okay." She was far better equipped to look after Boss' belongings than he ever was.
Takagi-san smiled at him and Tao exhaled, his shoulders relaxing.
* * *
The radio was a familiar noise in the background when Tao heard someone moving behind him.
Boss was with Dark Spear where Tao could see them both, and Takagi-san had gone for a pee. Which meant…
"What is that?"
Tao twitched a small smile at the man, wanting to rub the back of his neck. "It's, ah, stew. You hungry?" It was almost done.
"Hah." The man leaned forward, his nose twitching. "Maybe."
This close, Tao could see the dark shadows under his eyes. So he hadn't slept well either, huh? Or he was still recovering. He was also wearing his gloves.
"Uh, okay…" Tao wasn't sure how to react to that so he turned back to the pot and continued stirring. He wasn't as scared of the man, not after his outburst the night before, and he hadn't tried to force his way past Dark Spear. Those were good things, right?
The others came to sit with them a few minutes later. Tao got his own bowl and started eating, talking with Boss about the wagon.
The man only went up to spoon some of the stew into his bowl after everyone else had taken some and Tao watched him from the corner of his eyes as the man sniffed at the food and then tasted it.
The man’s eyebrows shot up. "It’s good."
Warmth curled Tao’s stomach at the compliment and he turned away to hide his smile.
The man ate faster after that, and Tao went back to eating his fill.
Afterwards, Tao went to help Boss, double-checking the new reins and straps, making sure they fitted and were comfortable for Dark Spear. The man was the last one left at the fire, still eating.
"How does it feel?" Tao asked Dark Spear, patting her shoulder.
Dark Spear pulled at the wagon and then stopped, snorting as she lifted her back right hoof.
"There, huh?" Tao followed up her flank, tugging on different straps until he found one that was looser than the others. "This one?"
She tossed her head. Tao hummed, trying to find out where he could tighten it. Best make a new notch.
"What do you think?" Boss said, once Tao had finished.
"They should hold, Boss!" It seemed sturdy and Boss would have said something if he’d spotted any problems.
"And what about…?" Boss tilted his head towards the fire, where the man was still eating.
And…Boss was asking his opinion again.
Tao gave him a slow nod. "Yeah."
Boss didn’t say anything though, studying him. "If you’re saying that because you think that’s what I want-"
Tao shook his head. "No. I…" Didn't exactly like him. "Think he's okay." Not as terrifying as he first thought.
Boss continued to study him, then nodded, smiling. He walked away, and Tao kept an ear out as he started to pack up.
"You're free to join us if you wish," he heard Boss say, and when Tao peeked, he saw surprise flash across the man's face before it darkened. …Oh, so he didn't want to stay with them.
"Yeah, I'm leaving them," the man said, his lip lifted up in a sneer, tugging at his gloves. "It's not like they give a shit about me; I'm dead to them anyway."
Boss smiled at the man. "Then welcome aboard."
Tao gave the man a small smile as he approached the wagon, which reminded him… "Hey, what do we call you?" He couldn't call him 'the man' all the time.
The man's lips thinned. "Whatever you want."
Tao blinked. Huh? "C'mon," Tao said, "you have to have a name." Was it something hard to say? Something the man didn't like?
Tao stepped back as the man drew himself up, his hands fisting. "Really. I have to have a name?"
"W-well-" Everyone did? Didn't he have one?
"You want my 'name'?" The man advanced until Tao bumped into the wagon, unable to back up further. "It's M-21." His mouth twisted with each syllable.
Tao's stomach dropped. That – explained why he didn't want to be called by his name. And the etching on his wrist. Shit.
They were standing nose-to-nose, and Tao had nowhere else to go.
"I don't remember the name I had before because those fucking bastards took it from me!"
"Hey!"
Tao flinched at the shout, but he was glad to see Takagi-san striding over.
"Leave him alone!"
Growling, the man scowled and crossed his arms, not moving.
Takagi-san went to Tao's side and Tao wanted to huddle behind him but he couldn't.
The man turned his attention back to Tao. "So?" He lifted his lip.
"What's going on?" Boss asked, coming over. Everyone was here now, apart from Dark Spear and Tao was sure she would escape her straps her straps and gallop over at a second's notice.
"Do you want to be called that?" Tao asked, his voice wavering, looking at the man through his hair. If Tao answered Boss' question, he might lose his nerve with the man.
"Tch." The man's arms tightened. "I already said call me what you want."
"Okay..." Tao winced at the man's challenging glare. "How about 'M'?" It was close enough to his...'name' without being dehumanising and it sounded like a nickname.
The man blinked, his scowl dropping away for a second before it came back. "Whatever." His voice had less of an edge to it and he stalked off, going in the direction of his horse.
"Whew." Tao sagged against Takagi-san. "Thanks."
"Are you all right?" Boss asked, placing a hand on his shoulder, peering at him.
Tao nodded. "Yeah." That…hadn't been fun.
"I'll go talk with him," Boss said, his lips pursed.
"No," Tao said, shaking his head. "That was my fault; I shouldn't have pushed."
"That doesn't mean he should have shouted at you."
Tao looked away and ruffled the hair at his neck. He knew he would have kept pressing until M snapped at him.
Boss exhaled. "Very well."
Tao watched Boss walk away, making sure he didn't go after M. He didn’t.
Takagi-san gave Tap a small nudge, not trying to push him away. "Do you need help packing?"
Meaning: did he want his company? Tao nodded. "Yeah."
Smiling, Takagi-san nodded and started to help. Tao tried to keep his attention on M, making sure where he was. He stayed with his horse and seeing that, Tao started to relax.
They finished and Tao breathed a small sigh when M mounted his horse. He wasn't riding in the wagon with him.
"Now then," Boss said, patting Tao's shoulder, "do you want to drive again?"
Tao breathed a weak chuckle. "No. I think I've done enough riding for a month." Maybe a week. He didn't want to do it now anyway.
"Very well."
Tao clambered into the back of the wagon, and when they started moving, it didn't take long for the rocking lulled him to sleep.
* * *
Tao stretched with a groan after hopping off the wagon, feeling better than when he went in. He'd been able to catch a few hours of sleep while travelling and that had cleared his head a bit.
He looked up at the sound of M dismounting and Tao glanced away, not wanting to be caught watching him. But he had to make sure. Then he would drop it.
"Uh," Tao said as M walked past. M didn't turn around and Tao held back for a second.
He took a breath and went after M. "Hey, M?" he asked, trying out the nickname, watching his reaction.
M stiffened, and then turned around. "Yeah?"
It was a response. Tao gave him a small smile. "Is that okay?"
He got a blank stare for a second and then M nodded.
Tao's smile widened. Good.
M turned away and Tao took that as a sign the conversation had ended. But M had responded without getting in his face, so it was a start. Little steps were better than none.
Tao started unpacking what was needed for lunch.
* * *
Nothing happened on the ride after lunch and Tao was able to talk with Boss about the recent list of words Boss had given him to read instead of sleeping again.
Tao watched M unsaddling his horse…and that was a familiar thought.
He didn't turn turn his head away in time that M looked in his direction. "What?"
Tao walked over, not wanting to yell over the distance between them. "What's your horse's name – if, you know, you want to tell me," he added, learning his lesson from last time.
M pursed his lips, setting the saddle down. "Names are that important to you."
"Well, yeah." Tao nodded. Before, it wasn’t often he would get called by his name - other names or insults, yeah, but not his name. He wanted to make sure he was calling the person by something they wanted to be.
"She doesn’t have one."
Tao’s mouth dropped open, but he caught himself in time before he blurted something out again.
M patted her neck. "I’m not forcing some name I thought of that isn’t hers onto her; I don’t have that right."
Tao studied him as M focused on his horse, not giving Tao eye contact. That…made sense, coming from him.
"Okay." Tao just gave him a small smile when M glanced back at him. "I'll go help with dinner." Before M could say anything, Tao scurried off.
* * *
The next evening, Tao looked up when he heard someone from behind as he washed the plates in the stream they'd stopped by.
"Hey, M." He hadn't brought his horse – but, right, M had watered her before dinner. "What is it?" There was no urgency to M's gait, so the others couldn't be in trouble.
"I wanted to help."
Tao stared, sure he'd misheard.
"With the dishes," M continued, and Tao had heard right.
"It's fine," Tao said, shaking his head. "I'm almost done anyway."
When M didn't move, shifting on his feet instead, Tao stopped and studied him again, trying to figure out what was wrong. If he was in M's position… Oh.
"Hey, um," Tao said, putting the plate he was holding in the basin and turning around to give M his full attention. "If you're worried about Boss kicking you out if you aren't useful, he won't."
M narrowed his eyes at him. "You've thought the same things."
"Yeah." Tao nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. Or tried to. He yelped when he slapped the cold water there. "Okay, don't do that again," he muttered, rubbing it to warm up that area.
M didn't say anything for a few seconds, looking around before he returned his gaze to Tao.
"And you're still doing things around the camp."
"Well, yeah," Tao said, giving him a confused look, "I can't really – oh." He stopped halfway, realising what M was saying. "That's true." He held up a few of the clean plates for M as a peace offering with a sheepish smile. "I clean; you dry?"
M nodded and took the plates from him, picking up the drying cloth.
* * *
A few days later, Tao watched M walk away after helping put the plates back. Hm… He'd done that every night. Tao glanced between where M went and the others are the campfire. Boss smiled back at him and gave him a nod. Well, it was obvious what Boss thought.
Tao got his feet and followed after M.
"Hey, M?" Tao called out, looking around. He couldn't see him, and Tao peered around at the foliage.
He caught a flash of silver, and he made his way over, making as much noise as he could. If M left after hearing him, Tao would leave him alone.
M didn't leave, continuing to lean on the tree.
"Hey," Tao said, once he was close enough. M glanced in his direction but didn't say anything.
"So…" Tao said, tugging a lock of hair. "I was wondering if you wanted to come join us around the fire? I, uh, noticed you usually go somewhere else after you've eaten, and that's fine if that's what you want to do, but if you want to talk with us, you can."
M still didn't say anything and Tao scuffed his shoe over a tree root while he waited. Was that M's answer? Should he leave and not ask again? But if M hadn't liked the question, he would have said; Tao knew that much.
Tao looked up at a snort. "I don't get on with people," M said, crossing his arms. Tao could agree with that. "And…" M pursed his lips. "I don't have the same history as you do with them; you've always had them."
Tao slowed his foot down, his eyes wide as he gaped at M. That's what he thought? "No, I haven't." Tao said, pulling a leaf off a nearby bush and started to run his fingers over it. M didn't say anything and Tao kept going. "I only met them a couple of months ago."
"Before that…" Tao exhaled, his shoulders slumping. "I didn't have anyone. Everyone hated me as soon as they saw my face."
"…Why."
"Heh." Tao folded the leaf, tearing it into pieces. "I'm Chinese."
That didn't get a response and when Tao glanced at M through his hair, he was met with a blank stare. He didn't know? "We're the cheap labour. They could get a lot of us for less than what they'd pay Americans. We finished the train tracks, but no-one wants to pay a good wage to a 'stinking' foreigner." Amongst other names Tao had been called when he'd tried to find work after the railway had been finished. Sighing, Tao let all the pieces drift to the ground. "I can't change the way I look to them; I look like someone who doesn't belong."
"And then you found them."
Tao gave M a small smile, warmth in his chest just at the thought of Boss and Takagi-san. "Boss was the first guy in the town I was in to not think I'm not up to no good on sight. Dark Spear found Takagi-san."
Tao stopped, realising how much he'd talked about himself. Had he said too much? "So, uh, yeah – you can come join us if you want," he said, trying to go back to the original topic. "We don't always talk; we're usually doing our own thing but it can be nice being around other people."
M didn't move and Tao nodded. "Yeah. So. I'll see you in the morning."
"Yeah."
Wincing, Tao went back to the campfire.
* * *
A few days later, Tao worked on his gun as Boss and Tagaki-san exchanged stories about the places they'd been to.
He frowned after tightening one screw. …Huh. He was finished? Tao slid all the pieces together, double-checking he had done everything. And he had.
Tao waited for the two to finish, not quite following what they were talking about since he hadn't been paying attention earlier.
When the conversation slowed, Tao said, "Hey, Takagi-san?"
"Yes?" Takagi-san looked in his direction.
"I finished your gun – do you want to look at it?"
Takagi-san smiled. "I would love to."
"Great!" Tao hopped to his feet and they left for a clearer space to test it.
* * *
A week later, they entered another town and Tao made sure his hat was in place on when he clambered out the wagon.
Tao had started his routine of brushing Dark Spear down when he heard, "You weren't doing that before."
He almost dropped the brush in surprise, but Dark Spear nickered in greeting to M, who was bringing in his own horse.
"That’s because she didn't really need it," Tao said, reaching for his usual excuse, but that sounded hollow to his ears.
M's quirked eyebrow told Tao what he thought of that, especially since they'd been through some dirty environments.
He knew he was hiding from people, but he couldn't go out, not when he had a safe place to be now.
* * *
They stayed in the town for only a day, long enough to get the supplies they needed and go.
When they stopped for dinner, Tao smiled when M didn't leave as soon as he was done.
Tao fiddled with his radio by the fire, sure it was close to completion, an ear out on his working one.
"-found a coffin under the seabed this morning. Witnesses described it as being made out of white metal, a large cross laid on top and decorated with gold."
M snorted. "That'll already be stripped clean."
Tao would have agreed, but he jumped at a crash behind him. It was Boss, the cooking pot at his feet; he was staring at the three of them. "Boss? You okay?" It wasn't like him to drop anything.
"Where?" Boss demanded, striding over, ignoring the pot. "Where did they find it?"
Tao blinked, not understanding what he was asking until he heard Takagi-san's answer.
"South."
Boss was asking about the coffin…?
Boss nodded, his lips pursed before spinning on his heel and starting to walk away. "Pack up; we're going there."
"Eh?" Tao yelped. "Now?" They'd just finished unpacking – and they hadn't done any travelling at night since they left his hometown. What was going on?
Summary: There's a new guy in town, an inventor, and if Tao can steal a few interesting things from him, he'll be able to eat for a few days, maybe longer. He might even be able to get out of the town!
Tao's wish comes true, just not in the way he expected.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Steampunk? Friendship
Word count: 4,256
Total word count: 30,101
Status: Work in progress
The man still hadn't stirred a few hours later, and they sat around the campfire, dinner almost ready.
Maybe it was one of the things Boss always knew, or maybe Dark Spear had told him, but Boss looked over his own shoulder, smiling. "Evening."
Tao tensed and looked in the man's direction. Was he going to be as feral like he had been the last time he was conscious? There was no movement over there for a few seconds before there was a huff and the man sat up, his muscles tense.
…Right. The man had ridden a horse to get to them, so he had to be able to think.
"Ah, you shouldn't do that," Boss said. He didn't get to his feet and go to the man's side like Tao thought he would. "You're still healing."
The man didn't press a palm to any of his wounds (but that could have been to not scratch himself with his claws), pulling his legs towards himself. He narrowed his eyes for some reason, glaring at his ankles.
"There's food if you're hungry," Boss said. They'd made their usual portion size, with enough for the following day.
"I'm not."
Tao gaped. How could he not be hungry after all that? Did he not need to eat as much? …Or did the man not trust them to have done something to his food?
The man looked around, more at the ground than the horizon, like he was looking for something.
"Your gloves are next to where your head was," Boss offered. "There's spare clothes for you there as well."
The man picked up the gloves and after turning them inside out and back again, he slipped them on. The line of tension in his shoulders eased, but not all of it. "So I'm your prisoner now," the man said, his voice flat, one side of his mouth lifted up in a sneer.
"Do you see cuffs and chains?" Boss asked, his eyebrows raised. "I don't keep prisoners."
…Hah, Tao knew that well…
The man glared at his own legs again, his hands fisted. Then he snorted, lifting his gaze to Boss'. "So I'm free to go?"
Boss nodded towards the man's horse, who was still tethered next to him. "Your horse is there; you're free to stay or go as you wish."
Huh? Tao glanced at Boss. If the man got away, he would tell the Union more information, like Dark Spear. Why would Boss let him go?
"A trick," the man retorted, his hands going tighter. "You've already found out everything you want to."
Boss chuckled. "My skills are superb, but they're not that good, I'm afraid."
The man scowled. "Then what do you want to know?"
"How you're feeling." There hadn't been a pause.
"Fine." The word was clipped, one side of his mouth lifting to bare a fang.
"Very well." Boss got to his feet, going for the pot. As he passed, he gave Tao a pat on the shoulder.
The man glared at them, and Tao ducked his head, trying to focus on dinner, too aware of the man's gaze. The man didn't leave though, slipping the spare clothes on, and Tao hunched over his bowl and ate. Had Boss offered to let him go because he knew the man wouldn't leave?
Tao couldn't sleep, not after what had happened, and he stared up at the stars before turning on his side. Again. At this rate, he would sleep in the wagon when they travelled. If they travelled in the morning. Who knew what was going to happen.
He tensed at a soft scuff, ice shooting through him; he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep, trying to control his breathing.
The sound had come from the wrong direction - Boss and Takagi-san were at his back and he hadn't heard either of them move. The only person over there was the man and his horse, but Tao couldn't hear any limping. Had he fully healed already? He must have.
Tao couldn't do anything but lie there, knowing the man was coming closer; he was frozen, not wanting to draw attention to himself. And what could he do? He was too weak to stop the man apart from standing in his way, if he could even get that far. Tao wasn't sure his legs would hold him if he tried to stand.
The man was heading towards the wagon, to where Boss kept his inventions and Tao was such a coward but he couldn't will himself to move or do something, to even wake up the others. That must have been why the man had stayed. Boss kept his suitcases of journals close to him while he slept, but Tao didn't want any of his belongings getting stolen!
There was an accompanying scuff and the man growled. "Out of my way, horse," he hissed. More movement and Tao peeked – Dark Spear was standing in front of the man, mirroring his movements. If Dark Spear knew he was there, then Boss had to know too. And if Dark Spear hadn't killed him yet after going for Boss' inventions, she wasn't going to. But why were they doing this?
"I don't care if you-!" The man didn't move, starting to tremble, his hands curled at his side.
"Fine. Just - fine." The man started to pace, not trying to get closer to the wagon. Dark Spear followed what he was doing with her head but didn't sidestep to block him. "It's not like I was supposed to get his information, right?" His voice was rising, and he flung an arm out as he span on his heel. "They sent me on a fucking suicide mission!" His voice cracked and his breathing was ragged.
"…Whatever. Fuck 'em." With one last twist, the man stalked back to where he'd been lying before. Tao closed his eyes again as he passed.
Once the man was far enough away, Tao turned over, not wanting to face him in case it was obvious he was still awake and had heard everything - just in time to see Takagi-san with his hand wrapped around his gun, his eyes towards the man. They shared a look and Tao stared at the ground before he saw Takagi-san's expression change.
It took a while until Tao fell asleep, exhaustion dragging at him.
Tao yawned the next morning as he cooked breakfast. He was lightheaded but he wasn't falling over; he should be able to cook breakfast without hurting himself, and he could nap afterwards.
Everyone else was still getting up, and he looked up at approaching footsteps. His face fell when he saw it was Tagaki-san.
He couldn't leave breakfast so he ducked his head, hoping Takagi-san wouldn't talk about what had happened the night before. Or what hadn't happened.
"Xiè-san…"
Dammit. "Yes?" he said, stirring the pot, not looking up.
"I want to talk about last night."
Tao hunched his shoulders. "I don't." He was a coward. He knew that; he didn't need someone else to tell him.
Tagaki-san moved closer, so Tao could see his legs by the pot. "Did you expect to be able to stop him?" His voice was soft enough to not carry elsewhere. There was no accusatory tone to his question, like he was asking his opinion on if he preferred meat or vegetables.
Maybe? "At least be able to do something," Tao mumbled into the broth. But…no, he wouldn't have done anything.
"Isn't that why you employed me?"
Tao paused, glancing up at Tagaki-san. He had a small smile on his face. "Well, yeah," Tao said. "But two people are better than one!"
"Doesn't Dark Spear count as a second person?"
…Dark Spear was part of the problem. She had proved she could defend the carriage without Boss' help though. Multiple times already.
"She does," Tao said, stirring the pot again. "I – okay." She was far better equipped to look after Boss' belongings than he ever was.
Takagi-san smiled at him and Tao exhaled, his shoulders relaxing.
The radio was a familiar noise in the background when Tao heard someone moving behind him.
Boss was with Dark Spear where Tao could see them both, and Takagi-san had gone for a pee. Which meant…
"What is that?"
Tao twitched a small smile at the man, wanting to rub the back of his neck. "It's, ah, stew. You hungry?" It was almost done.
"Hah." The man leaned forward, his nose twitching. "Maybe."
This close, Tao could see the dark shadows under his eyes. So he hadn't slept well either, huh? Or he was still recovering. He was also wearing his gloves.
"Uh, okay…" Tao wasn't sure how to react to that so he turned back to the pot and continued stirring. He wasn't as scared of the man, not after his outburst the night before, and he hadn't tried to force his way past Dark Spear. Those were good things, right?
The others came to sit with them a few minutes later. Tao got his own bowl and started eating, talking with Boss about the wagon.
The man only went up to spoon some of the stew into his bowl after everyone else had taken some and Tao watched him from the corner of his eyes as the man sniffed at the food and then tasted it.
The man’s eyebrows shot up. "It’s good."
Warmth curled Tao’s stomach at the compliment and he turned away to hide his smile.
The man ate faster after that, and Tao went back to eating his fill.
Afterwards, Tao went to help Boss, double-checking the new reins and straps, making sure they fitted and were comfortable for Dark Spear. The man was the last one left at the fire, still eating.
"How does it feel?" Tao asked Dark Spear, patting her shoulder.
Dark Spear pulled at the wagon and then stopped, snorting as she lifted her back right hoof.
"There, huh?" Tao followed up her flank, tugging on different straps until he found one that was looser than the others. "This one?"
She tossed her head. Tao hummed, trying to find out where he could tighten it. Best make a new notch.
"What do you think?" Boss said, once Tao had finished.
"They should hold, Boss!" It seemed sturdy and Boss would have said something if he’d spotted any problems.
"And what about…?" Boss tilted his head towards the fire, where the man was still eating.
And…Boss was asking his opinion again.
Tao gave him a slow nod. "Yeah."
Boss didn’t say anything though, studying him. "If you’re saying that because you think that’s what I want-"
Tao shook his head. "No. I…" Didn't exactly like him. "Think he's okay." Not as terrifying as he first thought.
Boss continued to study him, then nodded, smiling. He walked away, and Tao kept an ear out as he started to pack up.
"You're free to join us if you wish," he heard Boss say, and when Tao peeked, he saw surprise flash across the man's face before it darkened. …Oh, so he didn't want to stay with them.
"Yeah, I'm leaving them," the man said, his lip lifted up in a sneer, tugging at his gloves. "It's not like they give a shit about me; I'm dead to them anyway."
Boss smiled at the man. "Then welcome aboard."
Tao gave the man a small smile as he approached the wagon, which reminded him… "Hey, what do we call you?" He couldn't call him 'the man' all the time.
The man's lips thinned. "Whatever you want."
Tao blinked. Huh? "C'mon," Tao said, "you have to have a name." Was it something hard to say? Something the man didn't like?
Tao stepped back as the man drew himself up, his hands fisting. "Really. I have to have a name?"
"W-well-" Everyone did? Didn't he have one?
"You want my 'name'?" The man advanced until Tao bumped into the wagon, unable to back up further. "It's M-21." His mouth twisted with each syllable.
Tao's stomach dropped. That – explained why he didn't want to be called by his name. And the etching on his wrist. Shit.
They were standing nose-to-nose, and Tao had nowhere else to go.
"I don't remember the name I had before because those fucking bastards took it from me!"
"Hey!"
Tao flinched at the shout, but he was glad to see Takagi-san striding over.
"Leave him alone!"
Growling, the man scowled and crossed his arms, not moving.
Takagi-san went to Tao's side and Tao wanted to huddle behind him but he couldn't.
The man turned his attention back to Tao. "So?" He lifted his lip.
"What's going on?" Boss asked, coming over. Everyone was here now, apart from Dark Spear and Tao was sure she would escape her straps her straps and gallop over at a second's notice.
"Do you want to be called that?" Tao asked, his voice wavering, looking at the man through his hair. If Tao answered Boss' question, he might lose his nerve with the man.
"Tch." The man's arms tightened. "I already said call me what you want."
"Okay..." Tao winced at the man's challenging glare. "How about 'M'?" It was close enough to his...'name' without being dehumanising and it sounded like a nickname.
The man blinked, his scowl dropping away for a second before it came back. "Whatever." His voice had less of an edge to it and he stalked off, going in the direction of his horse.
"Whew." Tao sagged against Takagi-san. "Thanks."
"Are you all right?" Boss asked, placing a hand on his shoulder, peering at him.
Tao nodded. "Yeah." That…hadn't been fun.
"I'll go talk with him," Boss said, his lips pursed.
"No," Tao said, shaking his head. "That was my fault; I shouldn't have pushed."
"That doesn't mean he should have shouted at you."
Tao looked away and ruffled the hair at his neck. He knew he would have kept pressing until M snapped at him.
Boss exhaled. "Very well."
Tao watched Boss walk away, making sure he didn't go after M. He didn’t.
Takagi-san gave Tap a small nudge, not trying to push him away. "Do you need help packing?"
Meaning: did he want his company? Tao nodded. "Yeah."
Smiling, Takagi-san nodded and started to help. Tao tried to keep his attention on M, making sure where he was. He stayed with his horse and seeing that, Tao started to relax.
They finished and Tao breathed a small sigh when M mounted his horse. He wasn't riding in the wagon with him.
"Now then," Boss said, patting Tao's shoulder, "do you want to drive again?"
Tao breathed a weak chuckle. "No. I think I've done enough riding for a month." Maybe a week. He didn't want to do it now anyway.
"Very well."
Tao clambered into the back of the wagon, and when they started moving, it didn't take long for the rocking lulled him to sleep.
Tao stretched with a groan after hopping off the wagon, feeling better than when he went in. He'd been able to catch a few hours of sleep while travelling and that had cleared his head a bit.
He looked up at the sound of M dismounting and Tao glanced away, not wanting to be caught watching him. But he had to make sure. Then he would drop it.
"Uh," Tao said as M walked past. M didn't turn around and Tao held back for a second.
He took a breath and went after M. "Hey, M?" he asked, trying out the nickname, watching his reaction.
M stiffened, and then turned around. "Yeah?"
It was a response. Tao gave him a small smile. "Is that okay?"
He got a blank stare for a second and then M nodded.
Tao's smile widened. Good.
M turned away and Tao took that as a sign the conversation had ended. But M had responded without getting in his face, so it was a start. Little steps were better than none.
Tao started unpacking what was needed for lunch.
Nothing happened on the ride after lunch and Tao was able to talk with Boss about the recent list of words Boss had given him to read instead of sleeping again.
Tao watched M unsaddling his horse…and that was a familiar thought.
He didn't turn turn his head away in time that M looked in his direction. "What?"
Tao walked over, not wanting to yell over the distance between them. "What's your horse's name – if, you know, you want to tell me," he added, learning his lesson from last time.
M pursed his lips, setting the saddle down. "Names are that important to you."
"Well, yeah." Tao nodded. Before, it wasn’t often he would get called by his name - other names or insults, yeah, but not his name. He wanted to make sure he was calling the person by something they wanted to be.
"She doesn’t have one."
Tao’s mouth dropped open, but he caught himself in time before he blurted something out again.
M patted her neck. "I’m not forcing some name I thought of that isn’t hers onto her; I don’t have that right."
Tao studied him as M focused on his horse, not giving Tao eye contact. That…made sense, coming from him.
"Okay." Tao just gave him a small smile when M glanced back at him. "I'll go help with dinner." Before M could say anything, Tao scurried off.
The next evening, Tao looked up when he heard someone from behind as he washed the plates in the stream they'd stopped by.
"Hey, M." He hadn't brought his horse – but, right, M had watered her before dinner. "What is it?" There was no urgency to M's gait, so the others couldn't be in trouble.
"I wanted to help."
Tao stared, sure he'd misheard.
"With the dishes," M continued, and Tao had heard right.
"It's fine," Tao said, shaking his head. "I'm almost done anyway."
When M didn't move, shifting on his feet instead, Tao stopped and studied him again, trying to figure out what was wrong. If he was in M's position… Oh.
"Hey, um," Tao said, putting the plate he was holding in the basin and turning around to give M his full attention. "If you're worried about Boss kicking you out if you aren't useful, he won't."
M narrowed his eyes at him. "You've thought the same things."
"Yeah." Tao nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. Or tried to. He yelped when he slapped the cold water there. "Okay, don't do that again," he muttered, rubbing it to warm up that area.
M didn't say anything for a few seconds, looking around before he returned his gaze to Tao.
"And you're still doing things around the camp."
"Well, yeah," Tao said, giving him a confused look, "I can't really – oh." He stopped halfway, realising what M was saying. "That's true." He held up a few of the clean plates for M as a peace offering with a sheepish smile. "I clean; you dry?"
M nodded and took the plates from him, picking up the drying cloth.
A few days later, Tao watched M walk away after helping put the plates back. Hm… He'd done that every night. Tao glanced between where M went and the others are the campfire. Boss smiled back at him and gave him a nod. Well, it was obvious what Boss thought.
Tao got his feet and followed after M.
"Hey, M?" Tao called out, looking around. He couldn't see him, and Tao peered around at the foliage.
He caught a flash of silver, and he made his way over, making as much noise as he could. If M left after hearing him, Tao would leave him alone.
M didn't leave, continuing to lean on the tree.
"Hey," Tao said, once he was close enough. M glanced in his direction but didn't say anything.
"So…" Tao said, tugging a lock of hair. "I was wondering if you wanted to come join us around the fire? I, uh, noticed you usually go somewhere else after you've eaten, and that's fine if that's what you want to do, but if you want to talk with us, you can."
M still didn't say anything and Tao scuffed his shoe over a tree root while he waited. Was that M's answer? Should he leave and not ask again? But if M hadn't liked the question, he would have said; Tao knew that much.
Tao looked up at a snort. "I don't get on with people," M said, crossing his arms. Tao could agree with that. "And…" M pursed his lips. "I don't have the same history as you do with them; you've always had them."
Tao slowed his foot down, his eyes wide as he gaped at M. That's what he thought? "No, I haven't." Tao said, pulling a leaf off a nearby bush and started to run his fingers over it. M didn't say anything and Tao kept going. "I only met them a couple of months ago."
"Before that…" Tao exhaled, his shoulders slumping. "I didn't have anyone. Everyone hated me as soon as they saw my face."
"…Why."
"Heh." Tao folded the leaf, tearing it into pieces. "I'm Chinese."
That didn't get a response and when Tao glanced at M through his hair, he was met with a blank stare. He didn't know? "We're the cheap labour. They could get a lot of us for less than what they'd pay Americans. We finished the train tracks, but no-one wants to pay a good wage to a 'stinking' foreigner." Amongst other names Tao had been called when he'd tried to find work after the railway had been finished. Sighing, Tao let all the pieces drift to the ground. "I can't change the way I look to them; I look like someone who doesn't belong."
"And then you found them."
Tao gave M a small smile, warmth in his chest just at the thought of Boss and Takagi-san. "Boss was the first guy in the town I was in to not think I'm not up to no good on sight. Dark Spear found Takagi-san."
Tao stopped, realising how much he'd talked about himself. Had he said too much? "So, uh, yeah – you can come join us if you want," he said, trying to go back to the original topic. "We don't always talk; we're usually doing our own thing but it can be nice being around other people."
M didn't move and Tao nodded. "Yeah. So. I'll see you in the morning."
"Yeah."
Wincing, Tao went back to the campfire.
A few days later, Tao worked on his gun as Boss and Tagaki-san exchanged stories about the places they'd been to.
He frowned after tightening one screw. …Huh. He was finished? Tao slid all the pieces together, double-checking he had done everything. And he had.
Tao waited for the two to finish, not quite following what they were talking about since he hadn't been paying attention earlier.
When the conversation slowed, Tao said, "Hey, Takagi-san?"
"Yes?" Takagi-san looked in his direction.
"I finished your gun – do you want to look at it?"
Takagi-san smiled. "I would love to."
"Great!" Tao hopped to his feet and they left for a clearer space to test it.
A week later, they entered another town and Tao made sure his hat was in place on when he clambered out the wagon.
Tao had started his routine of brushing Dark Spear down when he heard, "You weren't doing that before."
He almost dropped the brush in surprise, but Dark Spear nickered in greeting to M, who was bringing in his own horse.
"That’s because she didn't really need it," Tao said, reaching for his usual excuse, but that sounded hollow to his ears.
M's quirked eyebrow told Tao what he thought of that, especially since they'd been through some dirty environments.
He knew he was hiding from people, but he couldn't go out, not when he had a safe place to be now.
They stayed in the town for only a day, long enough to get the supplies they needed and go.
When they stopped for dinner, Tao smiled when M didn't leave as soon as he was done.
Tao fiddled with his radio by the fire, sure it was close to completion, an ear out on his working one.
"-found a coffin under the seabed this morning. Witnesses described it as being made out of white metal, a large cross laid on top and decorated with gold."
M snorted. "That'll already be stripped clean."
Tao would have agreed, but he jumped at a crash behind him. It was Boss, the cooking pot at his feet; he was staring at the three of them. "Boss? You okay?" It wasn't like him to drop anything.
"Where?" Boss demanded, striding over, ignoring the pot. "Where did they find it?"
Tao blinked, not understanding what he was asking until he heard Takagi-san's answer.
"South."
Boss was asking about the coffin…?
Boss nodded, his lips pursed before spinning on his heel and starting to walk away. "Pack up; we're going there."
"Eh?" Tao yelped. "Now?" They'd just finished unpacking – and they hadn't done any travelling at night since they left his hometown. What was going on?